Trust is a liability you can't afford. Perfect information outperforms perfect trust any day.

Thanks to online social networks, never has so much personal information about your friends and enemies been so immediately available. However, this wealth of data can often lead to information overload. What is needed is an equally powerful technology for delivering only the most critical news at the precise moments you need it.

Fortunately, such technology exists: the StalkBroker™ by VacilLogix™. StalkBroker™ vigilantly assures 24/7/365 surveillance of your entire social network, providing only comprehensive, real-time, actionable intelligence you can really use. StalkBroker™ makes everyone's business your business.



The key to productive surveillance is focus—the ability to gather timely intelligence on the most important targets. StalkPortfolio™ allows you to do just that. Simply enter as many or as few of your friends' profiles into StockPortfolio™ as you desire, and let the application handle the rest. StalkPortfolio™ continuously scours not only all online social exchanges but the entire web—including blogs, RSS feeds, wikis, and news stories—to collect all the most pertinent information on your targets. Precisely configure how frequently you want to receive each profile's reports, whether by the minute, hour, day, week, or month. StalkPortfolio™ even performs special keyword tracking for each profile, such as alerting you whenever your ex uses the word "date," so that you always stay apprised of everything that matters.


While StalkPortfolio™ shines an unblinking gaze on predetermined targets, it is often those you least suspect who can cause the most damage. UnderMine™ preempts such blind spots by intelligently data-mining the activities of your entire friend network to identify any potentially threatening trends. UnderMine's™ sophisticated pattern recognition algorithms automatically detect whenever others are talking about you, piece together larger pictures of who is contacting whom and about which topics, and even uncover whenever you're being excluded from conversations or events. Outsource your paranoia with UnderMine.™


Nothing stings more than receiving the timely intelligence to protect yourself but missing the opportunity because you're attending to other affairs. What good is it to know in advance that your business rival is about to stab you in the back if you're asleep halfway around the world? KneeJerk™ prevents such catastrophes by automatically executing a series of preprogrammed actions in response to specific StalkBroker™ intelligence alerts. Featuring an intuitive interface for creating highly nuanced logical combinations of specific conditions and unlimited chains of follow-up behaviors, KneeJerk™ always has your back. Even when you're on it.


The only really negative thing about gossip is that it's scarcest whenever you most need it. A little dirt always hurts anyone, but finding it can be endlessly tedious. Wouldn't it be great if there were a single, organized source for collecting all of the juiciest gossip on the most deserving individuals? Thankfully, the ScuttleBuddy™ feature provides just such a solution. Leveraging the immense power of the VacilLogix™ community, ScuttleBuddy™ allows every StalkBroker™ user to anonymously submit and access gossip via a centralized database of individual profiles. ScuttleBuddy™ even allows users to rank particularly damaging info for maximum effect. Why risk missing your next great lead? Crowdsource your stalking with ScuttleBuddy.™


Quite often, the people you most want to stalk are also the most inaccessible. Information wants to be free, but most social media privacy protections keep it savagely caged. Yet no friend network is impenetrable, and InsideTrader™ is there to help you profit from it. InsideTrader™ allows you to anonymously send surveillance requests to all StalkBroker™ users within a target's friend network. If any friend grants the request, InsideTrader™ anonymously exploits his or her position within the friend network to gain full access to the target's profile, as though you were actually within the network yourself. Say goodbye to exclusionary security settings. With InsideTrader,™ you're always in the loop.


Personal progress implies metrics—the ability to assess changes in your performance is the most important component for determining your future sociopathic strategy. That’s why we've built our real-time performance-assessment tool, GrandScheme™, into every Slightly Sociopathic Software™ product. As the name implies, GrandScheme™ monitors every online social value exchange to deliver a real-time, big picture view of your current sociopathic performance across the entire VacilLogix™ community. Feeling paranoid as to whether anyone is stalking you or any of your friends? Or perhaps you're hoping you're important enough for others to monitor? GrandScheme™ will give you the precise, up-to-the-second numbers. With GrandScheme™, you'll know exactly where you stand at any given moment.