Your social status is more valuable than your financial portfolio. It's time to start treating it that way.

But while there are hundreds of software applications to help guarantee your financial security, there are none for safeguarding the status of your individual brand image. If your brand isn't under constant attack from competitors, you must be doing something wrong. However, manually protecting status boundaries can be a tedious, risky, and time-consuming process.

The solution is StatusGuard™ by VacilLogix™, the complete application for policing your much-deserved social privilege. Whether you're clawing your way to the top of the heap or just preserving your dominant position, StatusGuard™ makes securing your social status second-nature.



Social status is always a relative, dynamic, and extremely complicated phenomenon. But that doesn't mean it's incalculable. On the contrary, sophisticated computational software are the only means of accurately gauging social status in real-time. That's why the core of StatusGuard™ is PeckingOrder™—a centralized utility for ranking and monitoring your social networks. Not only does PeckingOrder™ enable you to rapidly rate the social positions of your friends relative to your own, but it also offers real-time recommendations for raising or lowering friends' social statuses based upon their changing PeckingOrder™ positions among other friends. Further, PeckingOrder™ includes a no-nonsense analytical engine that ranks friends based not upon the quantity of friends but rather the quality: rankings from high-status friends carry significantly more weight than rankings from low-ranking friends. Most importantly, PeckingOrder™ brings all of your online social networks into a single frame of reference by seamlessly integrating information from all major sites, including Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. PeckingOrder™ takes the uncertainty out of social stature.


Digital communication media can be both our greatest asset and our most insidious social liability. Often, the social strata separating you from others in the real world are not so carefully respected in the digital realm. The solution is DigitalDivide™—our proven and reliable system for automatically enforcing your social status across all digital channels. DigitalDivide™ variably manages your communications by displaying "unavailable" status messages to people of lower status, while presenting accurate availability messages to contacts with equal or higher status. Similarly, DigitalDivide™ protects all your email accounts by appropriately delaying message reception and response times based on the sender’s social status, ensuring that you don’t respond too quickly to someone with a lower status. DigitalDivide™ even automatically inserts typing mistakes into your messages to help remind undeserving recipients just how little time you have for them.


Ascending the social ladder hinges on one's slippery capacity for Cool. But Cool is as ephemeral as it is unpredictable, often requiring decades of training and accumulation to ensure its effective mastery. CoolHunter™ takes the guesswork out of Cool by providing real-time trend analysis of all your friends' communication streams to ensure you stay updated on precisely what is hot and what is not. CoolHunter™ automatically isolates new terms from the independent conversations of higher PeckingOrder™ friends to determine what is in vogue at any given moment, while simultaneously analyzing the communications of lower-status friends to keep you abreast of what is not. With CoolHunter™, you will never wonder about what is cool again.


Getting ahead in life requires great unpredictability and difficult decisions at every turn. Wouldn't it be great to test the social waters before diving into risky endeavors? StatusGuard™ includes FocusGroup™ for just such inevitabilities. FocusGroup™ allows you to anonymously solicit feedback about a potential course of action from a randomized and anonymous sampling of friends. Simply submit your feedback request to FocusGroup™ to safely leverage the collective social power of your friend network. Not sure whether to ask out your nice but nerdy lab partner? Vet it in advance with FocusGroup™ and reduce your social risks.


Unfortunately, even the most strategic sociopaths are periodically vulnerable to bad publicity. While fortune favors the bold, it can also be a fickle and harsh ally. Such occasions demand DamageControl™—a comprehensive perception management utility for safeguarding your social status in rocky times. Drawing on the surveillance power of StalkBroker™, DamageControl™ consistently scans the entire Internet to alert you to any potentially status-damaging content. Additionally, DamageControl™ automatically notifies you whenever friends drop you from their friend lists or lower your PeckingOrder™ ranking. Finally, when other interventions fail, DamageControl™ analyzes friends with recent downward status trends to suggest possible scapegoats for redirecting attention away from yourself and provides incriminating dirt (via StalkBroker's™ ScuttleBuddy™ feature ) to distract your antagonists.


Personal progress implies metrics—the ability to assess changes in your performance is the most important component for determining your future sociopathic strategy. That’s why we've built our real-time performance-assessment tool, GrandScheme™, into every Slightly Sociopathic Software™ product. As the name implies, GrandScheme™ monitors every online social value exchange to deliver a real-time, big picture view of your current sociopathic performance across the entire VacilLogix™ community. Why merely rely on PeckingOrder™ to calculate your social status within your limited friend network when GrandScheme™ can show you precisely how you rank relative to everyone else? With GrandScheme™, you'll know exactly where you stand at any given moment.